Stink By Any Other Name Would Still Smell

I was purchasing a new pair of sneakers and I began to think what life would be like as a shoe salesman. Memories of Al Bundy flooded my mind, along with my own battles with foot odor(in my youth I have been forced to bath my feet before entering friend’s houses - real wrath of god stench). I quickly asked the salesman “What’s the worst you’ve ever smelled selling shoes?” His response and the subject of this blog were something I was not prepared for but that I’d like to relate to you.

The salesman looked at me for a brief moment then started off by saying “It wasn’t a person you’d expect to have really stinky feet, I can tell you that. and I was selling sandals not shoes” Apparently the individual was a man in his late 20’s dressed casually but appeared clean. “When he first removed his shoes the smell was like a physical slap in the mouth.” the salesman said “I jerked my head back from the force of it and was knocked out of the traditional catcher stance I normally use to help people on with their shoes.” While he was stumbled he looked down at the customer’s feet and noticed that the socks had holes in them. “The socks were worn out?” I asked, “No,” he replied “more like they were sliced open with a box cutter” “When the guy took off his socks I could understand why, he had toenails that appeared to have gone at least a half decade without a trimming.” “Why did you let him take his socks off?” I questioned, he answered that “It happened so fast...and to be honest I was kinda of caught up in the moment. The inside of his socks seemed to have parmesan cheese inside, but I quickly realized that it wasn’t cheese at all but dead skin that was flaking off his feet.” At this point my jaw was hanging open, I couldn’t believe that my simple question had received this response. I was expecting a cliched response like the smell burnt my nose hairs or some such. “What did you do?” was all I could get out. “To be honest” he replied “another customer started complaining about the smell, which brought me back to reality. I quickly told the guy he’d have to come back after he cleaned his feet. He seemed embarrassed but I honestly believe that he might have sliced the leather on the sandals with his toenails, at the very least the sandals would have been unsellable afterwards...The smell was that potent.” I chuckled and couldn’t help but think “ask an unusual question, get an unusual answer.”

S.